Happster's Fantasy Report: Week 4

Some completely random thoughts about last week going forward. It should also be mentioned that the majority of this was written prior to Thursday night's Cardinals-Rams matchup and thus talks highly of a healthy Danny Ammendola. As such, if you are an unfortunate owner of the gentleman from St. Louis, you have my condolences and can look upon what I have written below as dreams of what might have been...

Balding guy: "I wonder if he'd sign that helmet for me?"

I would like to point out some ridiculous stats that I have seen recently: Brian Hartline had 19 targets in Week 4 and caught 12 of them. Julio Jones had eight and caught just one. Danny Ammendola has 31 receptions off of 44 targets. Larry Fitzgerald has 22 off of 40. I’m just saying, sometimes the big names are not the guys utilizing their opportunities like they should be.

Despite having decent games, I’m still selling on Chris Johnson and Michael Turner, seriously, find a sucker and ship them off. If you can’t find the sucker in your league, then you’re the sucker (of course you drafted Chris Johnson and/or[1] Michael Turner you already knew that). I’m also selling on Frank Gore, Dwayne Bowe, Brandon Marshall, and Vincent Jackson.

First I’ll make everyone love Ryan Mathews and then I’ll kill Batman!

Don’t even ask me about Ryan Mathews. Somewhere, there is a mad doctor who has been poisoning the water supply of the people who have been touting Ryan Mathews since he entered the NFL. Because I feel like I’m taking crazy pills when I hear people rant about him. Let me just say this once: Ryan Mathews is not good. To be honest, his closest NFL comparison is Shonn Greene…or maybe a skinny Ron Dayne.

Let it be said that I am not a hater, rather I am a lover and I am supporting a major fantasy chubby for the following masculine individuals: Brian Hartline (the apple of Tannehill’s eye), A.J. Green – I’m beginning to think I drafted the wrong 2^nd year receiver (Julio). Danny Amendola (keep a keeper spot open for Wes Welker 2.0[2]), Alfred Morris (to be honest, how could I reference Batman without Alfred?) and Tony Gonzalez, a walking advertisement for vegan living.

One day, I'll have Wayne manor all to myself, as long as the Joker-Shannahan doesn't poison me!

Alright folks, my only other advice is to trade for Greg “the Leg” Zuerlein, 2012 Rams player-of-the-year, mark my words!

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[1] DEAR GOD, TELL ME IT’S NOT BOTH!

[2] Unsubstantiated rumor has it that Amendola will end up in New England next year to re-unite with Josh McDaniels and seriously replace Wes Welker.